“Yippie-ki-yea”

Die Hard was great, wasn’t it? How can you not like a movie where the bad guy’s called Hans Gruber? A hat-tip to the Bond movies perhaps (before they too became for choice of a better word- shit)?

DH 2 wasn’t a patch on it (How many good movies feature snow? Even the Von Trapp’s refrained from using it). But they brought it back with a worthy attempt for the third installment (still can’t work out how they worked out the gallon jug conundrum – then again I’m somewhat arithmetically challenged), but by the time we see Brucie in his semmit for the predictably shittily-titled ” Live Free or Die Hard” (Jesus…) I’d long given up on it.

It was with some surprise ( combined with a certain element of “what the F***!”) that I read the other day they’re releasing a fifth episode of the franchise on Valentines Day 2013. Whether it’s called “A Good Die To Die Hard (be careful what you wish for) or the Die Hard 24/7 (whoever thought this was going to work is obviously lacking certain brain cells – i.e. 90% of them) isn’t really the issue. It’s more of a concern just how they’re going to get Grandad in a vest (and his boy) into some more contrived shenanigans, but this time in Russia. I can hear the shady stereotypes being written from here.

Now, just a couple of days after Valentine’s Day, we had Kim Jong il’s posthumous birthday, and in truly over-the-top style Our Friend’s In The North unveiled a bronze statue of him and his old man on horseback. It just reminded me of the Roy Rogers (albeit in a slightly tenuous way) conversation in the aforementioned original Die Hard.

North Korea marks late leader Kim Jong-il’s birthday

My favourite part of this clip (other than the inspection of toothbrushes that is) is when they talk about KJI’s “supposedly caring side”. Of course, the powers that be in North Korea want the image portrayed of their leaders (and the same goes for those of us not living under an oppressive regime to some extent) to be seen in a certain, more favourable light. And then there’s the Kimjongilia. The Kimjongilia is a flower named after ‘The Dear Leader’ and an eye-opening documentary that needs to be seen by more people to get a better perspective of the atrocities that have (and still are) going on in North Korea.

More recently, we’ve seen an influx of  articles pop up telling us just how awesome it is in (or is going to be in North Korea). First, North Korea, New Land of Opportunity? actually proposes that investing (or opening/operating a business) in the North is a viable option. Next, the BBC chip in with Made in North Korea: Business in a ‘communist monarchy’ where it documents the story of a Swedish entrepreneur (who eerily looks like the vampire kid from  ’Let The Right One In’ ) and how it all went tits up for him after setting up a clothing factory). Or my favourite is this complete muppet (he’s Spanish, and I don’t think the two muppery-related incidents are related?), who really believes that he’ll be at the top table for ever more.

       

 ”Yippie-ki-yea”, indeed…

   

The kids are a bit 90210…

“God Bless Ozzy Osbourne” is the classic case of a film of two halves.

The first part of the documentary shows Ozzy as most of us have never seen him before – preparing for a show, warts and all. One of the advantages of having your son (and wife) co-produce this film is that you see Ozzy in a very natural light, moping around before a gig, following his 40 minute pre-performance routine (“5 minutes of physical exercise”…), then hitting the stage. They don’t hide the face that he can’t hit the notes he used to back in the day (and even that was somewhat questionable), and that even some of the shows might be a bit, well, shit. You do get the feeling though that he’s still really up for it, but the cynic in me says that the interference of his manager and wife, Sharon, definitely hints that he’s being fed some of the lines here. Do you really think he can be arsed signing every single one of the programs/t-shirts/whatever before every show?

Of course, the story of where is he now wouldn’t be complete with out talking about his up-bringing (poor, working-class), his adolescence (he was a ‘tit’ and a trouble-maker), and of course the beginning of the band that were the pioneers of Heavy Metal. His Black Sabbath band mates suggest that Ozzy only got in the band as he was the only one with a PA (that his father had bought for him), and that they didn’t take him seriously. It was after the huge success of the first four albums that things really went into a state of excess. His first marriage broke up (he still can’t remember when his first kids were born), eventually he was kicked out of Sabbath, the Randy Rhodes period when the solo career went through the roof, and all this time you actually wonder how he’s still alive today with all the gear he was taking (or more to the point, wasn’t taking).

As you’d expect, it’s not without its moments of humour as Ozzy claims that “I’m deaf!. The next tour will be in braille”, as we see him trying to do a sound check. In this part of the film Ozzy does manage to come across as quite likeable, is generally held in high-esteem (but maybe not for what you could call conventional reasons) by his peers, and you do feel yourself warming more and more to this truly original eccentric.

Then, it all goes a bit 90210. Hollywood. Drama. Bullshit. Too much Collagen and Botox on the screen at the same time, most of which don’t belong to the protagonist. This is where the family takes over the film and it all gets a bit self-indulgent and quite frankly, all a bit “woe is me”.

It’s hard not to agree with his kids (and his wife to an extent) that Ozzy didn’t give a shit about them and carried on in his own mad, rock’n'roll bubble. He claims that the reason he quit drinking and drugs was because his kids became addicts and he couldn’t deal with that as he was the cause of it all. That much may well be true, but the constant whining, whingeing, and general twattery of his kids (from the second marriage) just makes you want to yearn for more of the rock’n'roll stories. They hijack the remainder of the film and you get the feeling that they believe Ozzy wouldn’t be where he is today without them. They do not come across in a good light.

For the most part “GBOO” is an entertaining 90 minutes. And for music fans, I think it still has enough cred to cut through most of the sentimental bullshit and focus on the man, the madness, and the music.

“We’re a’ Jock Tamsan’s Bairns”

Today is Burns Day (or Night as we tend to call it at home) and it’s probably the one day of the year where I do go a bit ‘Tartan’. It’s not a noticeable amount really. Maybe I’ll listen to a Burns song or a poem (of which there are many on youtube etc), or talk (more like lecture) to my better half about how much of a top bloke Robert Burns was and how he’d beat Bill Shakespeare in a square go (Battle of The Bards) with consummate ease.

More to point, it’s also a time when the rest of the world get to be all ‘Scottish’ for the day, whether their ancestors hail from there or not. I think it’s great that we get to share this with everyone (as the title of the blog entry would suggest). Fortunately, for those who don’t have a chip on both shoulders (or in other words – are not Scottish themselves) , they get back to normal and generally let us be until the next big piss-up. It’s a fair trade I think.

However, one of the things that has come up in discussion in my classroom and amongst friends has been the recent media interest in the proposed Scottish referendum. I’ve just finished a job where I was teaching teacher’s from government schools, mostly to help improve their English and hopefully to give them a bit more cultural background as to where I’m from and ‘aw that. Most of them were perplexed as to why they don’t teach Gaelic in all Scottish schools, given the fact that we are so fiercely proud of our heritage? Or why in high school’s (English) ‘Higher’ examinations that no Scottish novels or plays were studied up until now.  And just what is all this referendum malarkey about?

My friend Bryan, a ‘proper’ journalist (as in – he’s fond of a few shandies and gets paid for writing) has written a couple of great pieces on the subject that is well worth a read. There’s also a very simple breakdown of the issues involved here. My favourite, however, has to be those crazy Taiwanese (it must be their love of Irn Bru that does it?) who gave us this…

So far so good, eh? Well, it wouldn’t be very Scottish if you couldn’t make an arse of it. First, we had some mad, Shortbread Warrior-type, going off on one on those who opposed independence as being anti-Scottish. As a riposte (and quite a funny one too), this guy ended up losing his job (although one less politician isn’t necessarily a bad thing) for producing this video about the aforementioned ‘Tartan Terrier’.

Next, there was the question of whether ex-pats (I guess that’s me and my like) should be allowed to vote in the referendum, and it seems to causing quite a stooshie going by the comments underneath the article. And just to add fuel to the fire comes this. My biggest concern has to be how much all of this is going to cost and just how much more they (as in the politicians) can manipulate the situation further for their own gains.

As it stands just now, I’m a ‘NO’. I don’t think there’s enough proof to suggest that we’d be able to go it alone. The opponents want a referendum where there’s a simple yes/no question for us to answer, and to my mind that seems to be the easiest and fairest way to decide the matter in 2014 or whenever they can get hold of Mel Gibson to do it. That said, I’m still as cynical as ever and can only echo the sentiments in this video.

Old Horseface is back…

Towards the end of last semester I decided I had to change the final graded assignment for the students in my writing class. I’ve found that by using the old ‘write about what you know’ ploy I could give them assignments on something that they can relate to and movies were a pretty good way of doing that.

Going to the pictures in Korea is by far one of the most popular ways for people to spend their free time. In fact, I’m sure (for those of you in the same boat) if you ask any regular university student “how often do you go to the movies?”, they’ll probably answer on average “once or twice per month”. It’s about $8 per ticket (although 3-D rip-off flicks will cost you more BUT early morning showings will be cheaper), and I’d say for 2 people you’d spend $20 all in – tickets, popcorn, drinks, transportation. Probably decent in comparison to what you’d pay in the UK?

Anyway, when I’m trying to give the students some ideas to write about, it never fails to amaze me just how many of them will write about the same thing. Not their ‘style’ of writing, but more like the actual subject they end up writing about.

It’s not their fault, but it’s more down to what’s available and showing at the local multiplex that must influence their decisions (and taking peer pressure etc into account). This semester (this being the first time that I’ve done a 5 paragraph essay for a final assignment with them) the winner had to be ‘Inception’. I’d say that out of 60 students there were at least 10 who chose this movie as their ‘favourite’ or most ‘memorable’. Although the movie was released in the summer of 2010 and added to the fact that most of them can’t remember what they had for breakfast (I could be added to that statistic at times myself) it was quite refreshing for them still to be so enthusiastic about this particular film. I quite enjoyed ‘Inception’,  (and the South park spoof episode) and I guess it proved that you could make such a thing as an intelligent blockbuster movie.

There was the occasional student who chose something like Fellini’s “8 1/2″  (I preferred La Strada myself, but hey, it was better than the guy who picked to write about ‘Marley and Me’) and of course a good selection of Korean and Japanese movies too, but the majority of films they wrote about were well-known Hollywood titles. Most of them could be classed as ‘popular’ (or the ‘kids’ like to say - very famous) and had probably done relatively well at the box office.

However, according to a recent article in Time magazine it’s said that sales at the box office in the US have decreased by about 4.5% or $70 squillion dollars. My heart bled for the poor lambs. After a bit more of a trawl through my Twitter feed (yes, I know…) I came across an interesting piece by Roger Ebert (he of the thumbs up/down movie review show) who came up with a list of reason why. I’d go as far as saying that I’m not too fussed if the movie companies or multiplexes are losing money or not. And I’d also go along with his opinion in #6 on his list when he puts it down to a lack of choice, and therein lies my point. The selection of movies in theatres in Korea is pretty poor and when the Free Trade Agreement (FTA) with the US kicks in it will undoubtedly get worse. Hmmmmm?

The other day I was walking through a nearby multiplex when I saw this huge (and how can you miss Sarah Jessica Parker’s HUGE old horseface on an even bigger banner?) poster for this movie called “I don’t know how she does it”. It doesn’t come out until the beginning of February next year (they’re just teasing me for the next month or so) and that’s it – that’s the biggest movie to get here in February 2012? I’m sure we’ll still have either Holmes or Mission Impossible straggling about then too, but Sarah Jessica Parker? Really? If the movie’s anything like the poster suggests (and it suggests it’ll be like all the worst Kate Hudson movies PLUS Sex & The City combined) that it’ll be utter shite and a complete waste of mine and yours hard-earned. That said, the choice is yours.

Still, wouldn’t it be nice to think that from time to time movie theatres in Korea wouldn’t have to kiss Hollywood’s arse and show what will probably be a huge waste of time and money (but will no doubt do well), but instead there would be a niche for just that something a wee bit different? I know, it’s a pipe dream. It would be even better if point A were to come to fruition that there would be a readily available medium where we could keep up with what’s showing on a regular basis (this website does a decent job of maintaining listings ). Moreover, I can navigate my way through most Korean cinema sites to check to see what’s showing, but try booking a ticket without a Korean ID number and see how far you get? It’d also be an idea to get more Korean cinema’s to show more of their Korean language films with English subtitles as I’m sure given a choice between spending 2 hours in the company of Seabiscuit or checking out something locally produced would be a (sometimes) welcome alternative.

EDIT: I’ve just read the movie poster and it says that SJP’s movie “Can You Tell What It Is Yet (or whatever it’s called) is based on a New York Times bestseller. That’s it, I’m definitely reserving tickets for the first night!